You’ve Got A Friend

Who is a friend? I made a friend on socials, then went to visit her, and the potential friendship was not natural, not evident, not easy. I came back home, and the next day I struck up a ridiculous argument in order to fracture the friendship in my head and gain some distance.

It was her compartmentalization that to me appeared as the less visible depth dimension of our friendship graph. Sure, we communicated well about feelings, about family, about reaching goals, but what it took a trip to her town to notice was that none of these insights had any tangibility. I couldn’t sit up and and say, “Hey, when your ran over a cat with your car, I was there for you, and now that we’re here in the same room you won’t even tell me your name or your address.”

In the last century, we didn’t have access to people’s inner ears as we do now, we couldn’t coo into them and conversely have them ease our pain and frustrations. Now that we do, through the power of socials, the mismatch effect is powerful, where the person to whom you’ve been cooing is not actually a person you feel comfortable spending time with. Keep this in mind for the future.

On the flip side, if you have a crucial friendship online, take care to explain how you feel to your friend and be explicit about how you see this friendship. Or, if you feel that a friendship might be misconstrued by your friend as a crucial friendship, then do the same thing. Talking clearly about your feelings reduces misunderstandings. In the end, it’s not productive or healthy to spend my every evening engaged in chat with someone who doesn’t view my friendship as crucial.

‘He feels estranged, floating freely.…Like his friend Edmond Dantès.’ –Mark Sarvas, ‘Harry, Revised’

Then she steps out into the night, and a moment later he hears her drive off. He settles into his living room chair, the one with the best view of the hills, from which the fog has all but disappeared. He feels estranged, floating freely as if somehow unanchored, cut loose from his pier, truly a permanent exile, a wanderer, whatever his phone number. Like his friend Edmond Dantès.

—Mark Sarvas, Harry, Revised, Chapter 16

Edmond Dantès, a k a the Count of Monte Cristo of the eponymous Alexandre Dumas novel, is the role model of Harry Rent, the hero of Sarvas’s novel. Harry tries to manipulate his entourage in the manner of Dumas’s hero, but it’s not clear to me how deeply Harry takes his lessons to heart: after all, The Count of Monte Cristo has no friends, not even a middle-aged radiologist living in 21st-century Los Angeles like Harry Rent.

At least the reader can entertain the possibility (or for more optimistic readers, the hope) that Harry Rent has friends. Another Los Angeles resident, the homonymously named detective Harry Bosch of Michael Connolly’s crime novels, quite certainly has no friends at all.

For this reader, Harry Rent’s ambivalence about friendship and manipulation is a welcome change from both the hard-boiled heroes exemplified today by Connolly and the affectless characters I’ve seen most recently in Jon Raymond’s Livability. Harry’s brisk and buzzing interior monologue alternates between forced loneliness and bemusing companionship, and it is the traverse between these two characteristics is the story of the book, as I see it. That, plus Harry’s search for self-knowledge, so that the question of whether Harry has any friends remains open at both ends—both for old Harry and for new Harry.

Somewhere in the 11th chapter of Harry, Revised comes the gradual recognition that Harry has achieved a certain perspective on the human condition. In this quote, he is retelling his life story to one Molly, a waitress at the diner Harry frequents.

As he tells the story, he’s aware of his redactions, the shifts of emphasis, the resemblance to the facts—truth’s doppelgänger. But it’s close enough to how it was that it allows Harry to feel honest, to convince himself of his sincerity, even as it spares Molly (and himself) the least flattering details. And as he speaks, he can’t help but register a sad truth he’s avoided—that he never gave his wife the opportunity that Molly is giving him now; surely Anna must have felt much the same under the weight of his transgression as Harry feels now under his. How much, he wonders, did this missed opportunity cost them?


Is his tale to Molly the truth? Is it honest? Well, it’s as close to honesty as Harry has traveled in years, and he marvels at how it feels.

Harry’s urge to set things right, and the author’s deft empathy with his character, opens a window slightly on Harry’s life and therefore on our own lives. I can feel the weight of Harry’s lies, pushing like the butcher’s thumb on the scales of his marriage.

For more details on Harry, Revised, peruse the author’s blog at

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